We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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