A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
