Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
