Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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