I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
