i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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