and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
