There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
