I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
