WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just pee around me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
