how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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