Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
