do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
