Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
God, I missed his penis.
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