I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
