woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
