I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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