Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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