Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
