Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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