Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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