Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
