a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
