It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
