alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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