morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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