apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
