I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
