Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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