How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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