I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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