Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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