my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Randomize
