Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
