my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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