I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
