uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
