She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
