Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
