remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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