I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
