You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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