She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
