Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize