my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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