that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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