im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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