i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
