I CAN MOONWALK!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
