my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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