just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize