no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
