theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
