I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
