you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
