ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
