In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
