Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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