I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
