the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
