just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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