The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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