People with herpes should wear stickers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
