Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
