Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
