if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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