I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
