Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
