I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
