i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
