Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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