quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
