hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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