Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
