As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
