Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
