Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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