i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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