I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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