Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
