I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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