I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
