either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
