im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
