ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
