yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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