I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't turn off my feet"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
