I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
