all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize