a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
