I love black thongs
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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