Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize