I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
